Casteism- Is it really worth it?

Ever since I was born, the word which always prevailed for every small thing is caste. Caste and religion has become a necessary criterion to accept, especially in the traditional procedure of marriages. In my school times, I was mostly unaware of what is caste because secularism was one of the major principles followed. I had Christian friends, Hindu friends, Muslim friends, and Sikh friends without any mention of caste. Now as I entered my college phase, I started hearing people speak of their caste. "Hey are you a Brahmin? I am a Vaishya." When things get serious like marriage, people go insane for their caste and religion. Communal fights prevail all over India demolishing the fraternity among us. Then, there is reservation quota enforced in our Constitution which apparently states to provide equal rights for all the backward and scheduled castes and tribes.

My mom is a great fan of Mythology. As a part of it, she started reading Srimad Bhagavatam written by Vyasa Maharishi. This epic describes all the divine stories of Lord Mahavishnu and his leelas. Now she revealed a fascinating fact about castes from Bhagavatam. She said that Lord Vishnu created all of us and the four castes namely Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaisyas and Shudras. On the other hand, I watched a movie called 'OMG!! Oh My God', where I got to listen to this dialogue by Krishna (played by Akshay Kumar) saying, "Maine sirf insaan banaya hein, aur insaan ne ye dharam masab shuru kiya, aur ye dhandha hazaron saal se chalta aa raha he, kyunki tumhe iski zaroorat he." Hard to believe it right? Why would God create castes? Why would he want to differentiate us when he treats all human beings as one? There are many -isms about which we heard like racism, sexism, communism, etc. But casteism (there is no such word by the way!!) is something unique. Unique because people believe it is God who created this.

I wanted to know about this and I started reading Bhagavtam on my own to discover what actually God meant. Reading Bhagavatam makes you question every aspect of your life, from your birth to death. So then I came across what my mom told. It was almost true. God created four varnas of people. Here varna means type. (I mention this because, varna can also mean color, so interpretation can go seriously wrong!!) There are four types of people- Brahmins, Kshatriyas, Vaishyas and Shudras.
Brahmins- According to Bhagavatam, Brahmins are created from the mukha bhaga (face) of Mahavishnu. These are learners. This varna of people are made to learn all the vedas and shastras and share the knowledge to common people.
Kshatriyas- According to Bhagavtam, Kshatriyas are created from the bhuja bhaga (arms) of Mahavishnu. These are protectors. This varna of people are meant to protect people with their martial skills and to maintain law and order among the people.
Vaishyas- According to Bhagavatam, Vaishyas are created from the thoda bhaga (thighs) of Mahavishnu. These are earners. This varna of people are meant to earn money by trading and providing ways to people to earn money or food for people.
Shudras- According to Bhagavatam, Shudras are created from the paada bhaga (feet) of Mahavishnu. These are helpers. This varna of people are meant to help people with their needs.

But give a thought about it again. Why will God want to differentiate us? For Him, a Brahmin and a Shudra are still the same, a human being. As I read Bhagavatam, it opened my eyes to the fact that he created these four varnas of people only to make our lives easier and to establish Dharma in the right way. Not everyone can learn the spiritual knowledge associated with God, not everyone can protect the law and order for people, not everyone can understand the techniques of business and trade to earn, not everyone can master the skills required to help people. So he created these four varnas to promote learning and respecting their skills for what they're born. There was no caste 2000 years ago. There were only varnas created by God to establish the Dharma among the people. Brahmins learned Vedas to teach and spread knowledge. Kshatriyas practised law to protect their subjects. Vaishyas mastered techniques essential for trade and business for earning food and shelter for their families. Shudras mastered skills like carpentry which could help people and make their lives easier.

But God didnot create the status quo among these varnas. He treats all his children the same. It was we, who created these differences. The learners and protectors considered themselves superior because of their knowledge and martial skills, while the earners are treated as common subjects, the helpers are suppressed for their lack of knowledge. It was our ego and arrogance which made the learners superior and the helpers inferior. Caste is a word coined by the egoistic and arrogant human being, who considered himself above other people. But for the Almighty all his subjects are equal, and those who follow their Dharma of the varna given to them without any flaws, they are always blessed. Are you not a Brahmin when you learn something useful to mankind? Are you not a Kshatriya when you learn martial skills to protect your people? Are you not a Vaishya when you struggle all day for earning food and shelter for yourself and your people? Are you not a Shudra when you clean your own home today, and help others with the little you have?

In today's world, we humans have all the four characteristics. We evolved in such a way that we can learn, we can protect, we can earn and we can help. Then why these status quo among us which did not even exist thousands of years ago? Why these inferiority complex when a learner and a helper are both same in the eyes of Almighty? Why that ego and arrogance when you know your soul doesn't have a caste, a creed, a religion, a race and a gender? Humanity is above all these differences. And I hope one day, all of us will understand the true meaning of these varnas and the essence of these epics is humanity among individuals, which God mentioned in epics like Bhagavatam, Bhagavad Gita, Quran and Bible. 

I don't want to be an engineer

"Why are you even born? How will I walk with respect if you can't score good marks in your exams? What will I say before your relatives? You're a boy. Please don't become a burden for us," shouted my father. I could only stand still and watch him shout. I am one of those guys who tried really hard fitting into the engineering society, but failed repetitively in spite of all my efforts.
Coming back to the present, all I could hear was, "You're a burden to this family. I don't know why I ever gave birth to this son who doesn't even want to be a support system to his own father." But it's not true. I wanted to be a support system to my father for sure, but not like this. Not fitting into a job which makes my life mechanical. Not which cuts my imaginative wing. Not the one, which doesn't make my life interesting and adventurous. My parents were disappointed. Disappointed enough to get tired shouting and scolding me.
I came to my room and opened the offer letter from a leading travel website to write for them. There was another offer letter aside, from a famous magazine to write for them as an intern. I wanted to show these to my father and say, "This is what I want to do. I want to write, and I want to travel." But I couldn't say that.
I opened my personal journal only to see those fears and dejection from my parents. They never knew I write and probably will never want to acknowledge that anytime in future. And even if they do, they'll never want to appreciate that. Because I am a mere writer. Not an engineer. Or a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or not a person who took up the reputed professions.

I tried penning down these thoughts in my journal but this time, the pen isn't going ahead. Because they're not mere thoughts in my mind, these are my fears, my insecurities, and my biggest risk. That risk to ditch the usual job and to take up an unusual one. These are my emotions. Those emotions, which never surfaced until today. All I could do was cry silently without letting out any sort of hints. But again, can I dare saying all this to my parents? Will they ever agree to this? I can never bag a job in my college because I am a pretty dull student in my academics. The only thing which I liked about my college was the opportunity it gave me to develop my writing skills. I am a well known writer in my college and also a well known sluggish student in college. Irony of life, isn't it?
"Dad I don't know what to say or how to say it. But I don't want to be an engineer. I don't want to sit before the laptop for 12 hours straight in a day. I don't want to earn money by inhibiting my imagination and creativity. I don't want to kill my curiosity at this phase of my life. I don't want to be in one place to live a mechanical life. I don't want to limit my emotions dad. I don't want to live in this fear of losing my freedom. I don't want to regret in future for taking up the mechanical job you want me to take up. I want to be something different. I want to be a writer. A travel writer. A well known writer for a magazine. I don't want to be an engineer dad. I don't want to be." I wish I could say these words to my dad. I don't want to be an engineer. 

Oblivious Blues

"Hey, what are you thinking?", asked one of my friends. I managed to say that I was thinking how to complete my project. Lied. Again. The truth is I am in some unknown world, thinking something anonymous which is highly effecting me. May be causing extreme sorrow, hidden and unseen.
I don't know what it is. The only thing I am aware of is, some unknown emotion is draining me from inside. Making me hopeless and helpless. I know this isn't normal. But again, I lied. This time to myself. That everything was normal.
Loneliness was accompanying me every day. Blankness was the only thing I had in mind. No one cared. May be I shouldn't too. But again, something from inside is torn. Some part and still it's continuing to tear me up. But again, who cared? Probably no one. And I shouldn't too.
I sat down on my desk. Thought of penning down what I feel. But again I was blank. Everything was blank. An inescapable maze of blankness. I see my nightmares as scary illusions, may be I should call them hallucinations. I am lost in space, all alone. I was wondering why I was lost. And then comes a helical loophole. It pushes me towards it like a black hole. Taking me to infinity. Infinity of blankness.
Again, someone jerked me all of a sudden, "Hey where are you lost?" Lying became my mask. This quagmire of emptiness and emotions I feel is something unexplainable. Again I lied, saying nothing. Again I didn't care.

My body isn't normal too. I was getting tired way too easily. Losing hair, puffed eyes, putting up on weight. I am all a different person now. I don't know why but it hits me as a bolt of lightning all of a sudden, making me extremely happy one day and throwing me down in to an ocean of sadness on another.
Hopelessness and helplessness were my companions on daily basis. Behind my every  feigning smile, there was a draining emotion, unseen and unheard. I wished if someone could hear me unsaid. But again I didn't care. I don't know what I should call this.
All I know is, somewhere this soul wants to cry. And wants itself to be heard and seen. But again these carnal thoughts fighting upon all those emotions is devastating. People call this something else. They call it a mental illness creeping out of no where. I call it an illness of soul, which takes true empathy, love and care to heal. And deep down, my soul wishes to be healed, with same love and care. Without being judged and mocked. 

Resurrecting..

Its been days since I updated my blog. Meanwhile, there were a lot new experiences in my life. New people, new life, new outlook, new beliefs, new ambitions and finally new me.
Comparing myself of today, to myself of yesterday gives me strength to make myself even more better and strong.
We do have life events which change our life, incredibly. Good or bad, we do change.
And with these changes, I realized I should not compare myself to any other person, and most importantly not to judge myself for being what I am. Accepting your mistakes comes with great mental strength and emotional balance.
From now on, I will try not to shun myself from my thoughts, will stand on my morals and beliefs and make myself a better person to me.

First Showers of Hope..

May month was one big deal for us. Its the hottest month that we can have. After such a season we obviously expect to have a break from all hotness related to the season. Hot sun, dryness, sweating and many unknown problems with in every person. Wait for monsoon season is simply having a change.. Having a break and change from every difficulty of life.
I was sitting outside my home. At my door steps. Deeply thinking about every smile and every tear in my life. Reason behind my every happiness and sorrow. Reason behind my silence and helplessness. Reason behind everything I face. The sun was shining extremely bright. Extremely bright to rid off all the darkness. But may be that is not enough.
Suddenly the shine in him is decreasing. It was 4 evening. I am able to see the clouds forming. Clouds forming with a great ease and becoming thicker and thicker. It is generally normal to see those.. A bit of hope was aroused among people around me. But as the clouds opened it was vanished.. A vanishing cloud formation and a vanishing hope.
Again I saw the cloud formation. It was a mere guess that this would be a vanishing cloud too. Everyone was engrossed in their works. Feeling dry and sweating doing those. But the clouds didn't made our guess a right one. The thickness was increasing. Increasing with the enough water evaporated from every lake, river, pond, sea, ocean. May be some water from us too. After all, our sweat also evaporates. And the cool breeze made another step to prove our guess a wrong one. As we turned to the other side, the cool breeze made us feel heavenly. Every organ in me felt that. Felt a change in time. I closed my eyes and my hair beautifully blown for it but was gently blown. Wow what an experience!! An automatic smile was seen in everyone here. Even me. I was smiling too.  The first thunder and the lightening in the sky poured down its first drop on me.Then as I came out from my home, I felt the first drop of rain. The first drop of rain. It took me to an unknown ecstasy. Completely unknown one. It was roughly a medium sized rain drop. It first fell on my cheeks. That was literally an amazing experience.

Many such drops. Of different sizes. If one is of a small size then one is of a large. On different different places. One on my hand, then one on my forehead. One on my eyes then one on my fingers. I felt every drop falling on me. Deeply cleaning up every fear, every wrong and pessimistic thought inside me, in fact everything. Every drop shows its crystal clearness in it. The clearness and purity of every drop was felt by me.
Its not only me, every one felt this. May be everyone felt this. I can see kids coming out of their home and playing in these showers. Playing in the small ponds. Playing with paper boats. Wow such a great nostalgia!! Elders having a smile on their faces seeing their kids play. And the petrichor rejuvenating the olfactory senses. Missed that from one year.
These first showers brought the foodie child in everyone. Some kids crying for pakodas, some for ice cream.. If some elders wanted hot tea, some wanted cold coffee. But whatever it was, the rain brought up a change in mood for everyone.
I can not only see the happiness in people but in every creature around me I saw the reborn vitality. Rejuvenating the vigor in every corner. I saw small frogs jumping around me. Earthworms sowing the soil. Puppies and kittens enjoying themselves in the rain and their mothers watching them.. Every tree around us regained its beauty. Every leaf had these waters through its veins. The rain drops on the leaves looked like refreshing morning dew on them.  May be even those were waiting for these showers. After all they have life too.
And as its showering, I can see the sun shining a bit on the other side to bring another masterpiece of natural beauty. Every drop falling from the clouds were reflecting and forming a rainbow on our side.. Aesthetic beauty that was. Kids and elders were excited to see the first rainbow of the year. Rainbow bringing the beauty to the evening and showing every great color of nature.
The clouds slowly lost its water content and the rain slowly turned to a climax drizzle. Then slowly it ended up by showering its last drops to us. The sun had set by the time and I saw moon rising up from the other horizon. Everyone back to their work. And every creature to its home.
There after it was a season for monsoons. And it went very well. But whatever it is, the first rain experience bringing the change in time is a different experience. Nothing can replace that..

Blues..

I sat on the beach side..
Thinking how would waves correspond time..
Wondering how these blues make a lot of differences in them...
I looked at the sand and its brilliance.. Showing its yellowish brown tinge and its freshness...
If I am not wrong, I see the sun set just like a turtle hiding inside a shell but though it's a typical hot red turtle..
I could see the illusion of sea and water meeting with each other and creating a platform for the sun to hide himself..
The waves slowly turned out to be tides... The clear waters touching my feet with a tidal force.. My feet sank in the sand along with the water.. Deep sea waters clearly showing up their bluish green color on the surface... and then greenish blue color underwaters..
The moon is in its crescent phrase and the sky showed up it's evening auroral colors.. Blue orange and red strips just like an emblem of independence, with the crescent at one corner rising and to  the other corner the Sun going underwaters with the support of the sky.. Birds flying far off from the sea migrating to their homes across those strips of independence just like the dots representing integrity...
The crescent is like a small bowl held in the sky for collecting all the stars.. The stars twinkling and fading away periodically.. But always the pole star shining just like a bed lamp..
All these blues suddenly turned out to black in front of my eyes within minutes.. Then I understood.. That's life and that's blues.. 

I saw only you..

I saw you with me just now,
But couldn't find you here...
I saw you in my thoughts,
And felt you are with me...
I saw you with me as 'we' in my every thought and dream...
I saw the illusion of yours at the very first thought of yours, smiling at me...
I saw that I need you badly for you are my necessity...
I saw that every tear of mine which were filling my eyes, only with you...
I saw that every pretty smile I put on, only with you..
I saw the world as nothing, without you..
I saw that you are my everything, every inch of me...
I saw that I am incomplete without you..
I saw that I can live without you but I don't want to...
I saw you wiping my tears at my the hardest times...
I saw you smiling at me when I am happy with you..
I saw your every form of immense love for me..
I saw your every form of care behind your anger..
I saw every day, every hour, every minute and every second spending with you with ecstasy...
I saw the immense joy with the first embrace you gave me...
I saw the secured feeling within me in your arms..
I saw the intense euphoria within me when you kissed me..
I saw the intimacy between us in our every warm silence..
I saw the intensity of our love in every gaze of ours..
I saw the pain of losing you in my thoughts..
I saw that I can't even imagine myself in the thoughts filled with pain of losing you..
I saw you always are my guide and critic, adviser and guardian..
I saw that I miss you whenever I feel your absence..
I saw that I love you deeply from the core of my heart..
And what I finally saw is I am nothing but you.. Its only you... From the deepest core of my heart its only you.. Its only you...