"Why are you even born? How will I walk with respect if you can't score good marks in your exams? What will I say before your relatives? You're a boy. Please don't become a burden for us," shouted my father. I could only stand still and watch him shout. I am one of those guys who tried really hard fitting into the engineering society, but failed repetitively in spite of all my efforts.
Coming back to the present, all I could hear was, "You're a burden to this family. I don't know why I ever gave birth to this son who doesn't even want to be a support system to his own father." But it's not true. I wanted to be a support system to my father for sure, but not like this. Not fitting into a job which makes my life mechanical. Not which cuts my imaginative wing. Not the one, which doesn't make my life interesting and adventurous. My parents were disappointed. Disappointed enough to get tired shouting and scolding me.
I came to my room and opened the offer letter from a leading travel website to write for them. There was another offer letter aside, from a famous magazine to write for them as an intern. I wanted to show these to my father and say, "This is what I want to do. I want to write, and I want to travel." But I couldn't say that.
I opened my personal journal only to see those fears and dejection from my parents. They never knew I write and probably will never want to acknowledge that anytime in future. And even if they do, they'll never want to appreciate that. Because I am a mere writer. Not an engineer. Or a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or not a person who took up the reputed professions.
I tried penning down these thoughts in my journal but this time, the pen isn't going ahead. Because they're not mere thoughts in my mind, these are my fears, my insecurities, and my biggest risk. That risk to ditch the usual job and to take up an unusual one. These are my emotions. Those emotions, which never surfaced until today. All I could do was cry silently without letting out any sort of hints. But again, can I dare saying all this to my parents? Will they ever agree to this? I can never bag a job in my college because I am a pretty dull student in my academics. The only thing which I liked about my college was the opportunity it gave me to develop my writing skills. I am a well known writer in my college and also a well known sluggish student in college. Irony of life, isn't it?
"Dad I don't know what to say or how to say it. But I don't want to be an engineer. I don't want to sit before the laptop for 12 hours straight in a day. I don't want to earn money by inhibiting my imagination and creativity. I don't want to kill my curiosity at this phase of my life. I don't want to be in one place to live a mechanical life. I don't want to limit my emotions dad. I don't want to live in this fear of losing my freedom. I don't want to regret in future for taking up the mechanical job you want me to take up. I want to be something different. I want to be a writer. A travel writer. A well known writer for a magazine. I don't want to be an engineer dad. I don't want to be." I wish I could say these words to my dad. I don't want to be an engineer.
Coming back to the present, all I could hear was, "You're a burden to this family. I don't know why I ever gave birth to this son who doesn't even want to be a support system to his own father." But it's not true. I wanted to be a support system to my father for sure, but not like this. Not fitting into a job which makes my life mechanical. Not which cuts my imaginative wing. Not the one, which doesn't make my life interesting and adventurous. My parents were disappointed. Disappointed enough to get tired shouting and scolding me.
I came to my room and opened the offer letter from a leading travel website to write for them. There was another offer letter aside, from a famous magazine to write for them as an intern. I wanted to show these to my father and say, "This is what I want to do. I want to write, and I want to travel." But I couldn't say that.
I opened my personal journal only to see those fears and dejection from my parents. They never knew I write and probably will never want to acknowledge that anytime in future. And even if they do, they'll never want to appreciate that. Because I am a mere writer. Not an engineer. Or a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or not a person who took up the reputed professions.
I tried penning down these thoughts in my journal but this time, the pen isn't going ahead. Because they're not mere thoughts in my mind, these are my fears, my insecurities, and my biggest risk. That risk to ditch the usual job and to take up an unusual one. These are my emotions. Those emotions, which never surfaced until today. All I could do was cry silently without letting out any sort of hints. But again, can I dare saying all this to my parents? Will they ever agree to this? I can never bag a job in my college because I am a pretty dull student in my academics. The only thing which I liked about my college was the opportunity it gave me to develop my writing skills. I am a well known writer in my college and also a well known sluggish student in college. Irony of life, isn't it?
"Dad I don't know what to say or how to say it. But I don't want to be an engineer. I don't want to sit before the laptop for 12 hours straight in a day. I don't want to earn money by inhibiting my imagination and creativity. I don't want to kill my curiosity at this phase of my life. I don't want to be in one place to live a mechanical life. I don't want to limit my emotions dad. I don't want to live in this fear of losing my freedom. I don't want to regret in future for taking up the mechanical job you want me to take up. I want to be something different. I want to be a writer. A travel writer. A well known writer for a magazine. I don't want to be an engineer dad. I don't want to be." I wish I could say these words to my dad. I don't want to be an engineer.
Wake up Sid story .Engineer nahi banunga photography karunga.
ReplyDeleteThat was in 3 idiots too :) Anyway thanks for reading my post.
ReplyDelete